What does it mean to be a good student?

You know the feeling: that you just must get control over this room full of excited, emotional, overly energetic little ones. You’ve heard the refrains spoken to children, in an effort to gain control:

sit down

be quiet

just sit still

calm down already

control yourself

listen to me, now

look at me when I am talking to you.

pull it together

If you don’t, then I will just

next time, there will be, no

When we are tired, worn out, and running low on patience, we often turn to these types of responses because of how we were disciplined from a very early age. This is called compliance based learning. We are taught from birth that we must obey our parents, go to school, listen to the teachers, and respect authority. And while we are at school we are expected to sit still in a chair, look, listen and learn – for many hours – while keeping our bodies perfectly calm. For those of us who are neurodivergent, this in itself can feel like a monumental effort, much like Superman when he is Clark Kent – wearing glasses and suit to mask his true identity and fit into his environment.

This is often why neurodivergent people may appear to be unusually exhausted or cranky after a long day at school or work, or alternatively, why they might need more movement when they return home. Neurodivergent individuals’ sensory systems often need “a reset” such as through calming, energizing, and/or organizing exercises to recalibrate after focusing or attending in a classroom all day. Many of us “wear a mask” to fit into society expectations of “normal.” So, if your young one comes home and needs an extra nap, or hug or jog – trust them. They know what their body needs, naturally, to reset.

It is important to note, that in many classrooms across the country and even the globe, the classroom is organized as a hierarchical structure, wherein the teacher is the ultimate authority and the pupils are there to learn, take directions, and listen to them.

I was extremely fortunate to attend an amazing Quaker school, George School, in which a different way was shown to me. I continue this paradigm in my own teaching style, today. At George School, each student and teacher is called by their first name. Each teacher is also a student, and each student is also a teacher. I firmly believe that each student holds lessons for each teacher to learn from, just as much as a teacher has insights to share with their students, as learning is often a cooperative and unfolding process.

So, I invite you today to consider a different way of teaching and learning.

I invite you to re-examine what it really means to be a good student.

I personally think a “good student” is one who is curious, imaginative, inquisitive, funny, empathetic, caring.

Honestly, I don’t want learners to be blindly “obedient”. Quite the opposite.

I encourage my students to question, solve problems, and be compassionate human beings, who embrace a life-long exploration of knowledge.

So, what should we do to encourage cooperative learning instead?

Here are some ideas you may consider:

When you see a child who is upset. Talk to them. Ask them:

How are you feeling?

How can I help you?

What does your body need to feel better?

You can offer them suggestions:

Engage in an activity that you choose together to help them regulate their body.

Some suggested regulating activities include:

walking

jumping

painting

reading

sensory play in water, dirt, with different textures

deep hugs

deep breathing

stretches

Engage with all the children on your path – with love, light, compassion, curiosity, and playfulness!

Until next time …

Heather Lynn Boerner M.A., CCC/SLP

Speech-Language Pathologist